77 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You’ll Want to Cover Your Eyes

Need a laugh? Check out these entertaining yet completely dirty jokes so racy. There are two types of individuals in the world: those who enjoy dirty jokes and those who claim they don’t but are lying. Do not apologize for your bawdy sense of humor here. There is no guilt in laughing at an R-rated joke or telling it to your friends. Dad jokes and Adult dirty jokes, on the other hand, are some of the most wonderfully written and real laugh-out-loud moments. So read on for the filthiest and funniest dirty jokes so racy we’ve ever heard.

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Dirty Jokes Ladies Will Love

1. What did the toaster say about the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
2. “Give it to me!” “Give it to me,” she cried. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I kept the umbrella.
3. What do you name a worthless bit of skin on the dick? The man.
4. “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband tells his wife. She thinks about it for a bit before responding, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
5. How can you disgrace an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
6. A woman exits the bathroom, winks at her husband, and declares, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.” The husband says, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
7. What is the distinction between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually look for a golf ball.
8. What does one saggy boob say to another saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
9. How is a push-up bra similar to a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you notice it is half empty.
10. How do you know if your husband has died? The sex is the same, but you can use the remote.
11. “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman informed her dentist. He responded: “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
12. What is the distinction between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, whereas a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
13. What does a sperm bank’s receptionist say as clients leave? “Thanks for coming!”
14. What is the distinction between kinky and perverted? Kinky means tickling your girlfriend with a feather, whereas wicked means using the entire bird.
15. What would you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotopus.
16. “What did the leper tell the sex worker?””Keep the tip.
17. What do dildos and tofu have in common? They’re both meat replacements.

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Short Dirty Jokes

1. What would a perverted frog say? “Rubbit.”
2. What happens after 69? Mouthwash.
3. What are the three shortest words in English? “Is it in?”
4. How can a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
5. What is Pinocchio’s sweetheart saying to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
6. Dear NASA: Your mother thought I was big enough. From Pluto.
7. What’s long, firm, and filled with sperm? A submersible.
8. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
9. Why is diarrhea hereditary? It’s in your genes.
10. What’s Moby Dick’s father’s name? Papa Boner.
11. What species of bird produces the nicest heads? A swallow.
12. What happens when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas.
13. What does the sign on a closed brothel say? “Beat it.” “We’re closed.”
14. Why does Dr. Pepper arrive in bottles? Because his wife has died.
15. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken arrived in another box.
16. What goes in hard and dry yet emerges soft and wet? Gum.

Best Dirty Jokes for Guys

1. Two males broke into a drugstore and stole all of the Viagra. The police issued an alert to be on the lookout for the two severe criminals.
2. My neighbor is angry with his wife for sunbathing naked. I’m on the fence.
3. What do you call an expert fisherman? A masterful baiter.
4. Why was the snowman suddenly smiling? He could see the snowblower approaching.
5. What happens when you cross a dick and a potato? A dictator.
6. Why do walruses adore Tupperware parties? They are constantly on the hunt for a tight seal.
7. Why does Santa Claus carry such a large sack? He only comes once per year.
8. Why was the squirrel swimming on its back? To keep the nuts dry.
9. What is the first thing a man puts in a lady after they marry? Wedding ring.
10. A penguin brings his automobile to the garage, and the mechanic says it will take approximately an hour to inspect it. While waiting, the penguin visits an ice cream shop and orders a large sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the cleanest eater, and he gets covered in melted ice cream. When he comes to the shop, the mechanic looks at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insisted. “It’s just ice cream.”
11. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof and asked you to help him down, would you aid him?
12. Why don’t you hear rabbits having love? Because they own cotton balls.
13. What is the distinction between hungry and horny? Where to stick the cucumber.

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More Dirty Jokes for Adults Only

1. Why do many claim that eating yogurt and oysters can boost your sex life? Because if you eat that stuff, you’ll eat whatever.
2. What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? One steals your watch. The other observes your snatch.
3. A guy is seated in the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I’ve got some bad news. “I’m afraid you’ll have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor explains. “I’m trying to examine you.”
4. What are the similarities between a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy? A damp nose.
5. What is the application process for a job at Hooters? They simply hand you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”
6. What is the distinction between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
7. What is the distinction between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A sex worker might clean her crack and sell it.
8. What is the distinction between your penis and a bonus check? Someone is always ready to blow your bonus.
9. What do you do when your cat has died? Instead, play with your neighbor’s pussy.
10. What do you name a herd of cows that are masturbating? Beef is strokin’ off.
11. What do you call the lesbian equivalent of a cockblock? A beaver dam.
12. What are the similarities between a penis and a Rubik’s cube? The more you play with it, the harder it becomes.
13. A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps onto the glass. Embarrassed and trying to protect her small son’s innocence, the mother turns back and says, “Don’t be concerned, sweetheart. “That was only an insect.” “Wow,” the boy responds. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”
14. An elderly woman entered a dentist’s office, took off her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist remarked, “I think you’re in the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she said. “Now you have to remove them.”
15. What is long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s fingertips.

Dirty Dad Jokes

1. A nude man broke into a church. The cops chased him about and eventually apprehended him by the organ.
2. If you were born in September, it’s safe to suppose your parents began the new year with a bang.
3. What is the distinction between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The other has had a fantastic year.
4. My wife urged me to use a spoon in bed, but I prefer a fork.
5. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
6. What did O say to Q? “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”
7. What is the distinction between a lady with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
8. Why did the sperm cross the street? Because I wore the wrong sock this morning.
9. Let us play carpenter! First, we will be hammered, and then I will nail you.
10. What did the hurricane tell the coconut tree? “Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job!”
11. Why did Jesus die as a virgin? He healed every “wound” he touched.
12. What is the distinction between your lover and a condom? Condoms have evolved. They aren’t as thick and insensitive anymore.
13. What did the guy say when he was caught masturbating with an optical illusion? “It’s not what it looks like.”
14. What do you call a Roman soldier who is smiling but has a bit of hair stuck between his front teeth? Glad he ate her.
15. Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony? The person who can hold a cup of coffee in both hands and a dozen donuts.
16. Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because she had outgrown her B-shells.