Imagine a warm dining room filled with laughter and delicious aromas from a shared meal. Amidst the joy, a dad delivers a perfect joke. If your house is cold, stand in the corner, it’s always 90 degrees there.
1. I’ve just been accepted for a senior position at Old McDonald’s Farm…
The interview was a breeze. They only asked if I could E-I-E-I-O!
2. I never understood why they named the show “SpongeBob”
Shouldn’t it be “Cleaning Time with Absorbent Bob”? Missed opportunity!
3. How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor—then tell her she’s outstanding in her field!
4. I caught my son chewing on electrical cords
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better now, currently conducting himself properly.
5. It’s a 5-minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45-minute walk from the bar to my house…
The difference? Staggering.
6. My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is
I replied, “Sure, let’s talk—it’s a heated topic after all.”
7. My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I told her, “That’s not true, I love your mother-in-law more than anyone!”
8. My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you”
Because marrying her is a permanent decision she’s already familiar with.
9. I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal, but I’m just boarding with it.
10. My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?
I said, “Where did that come from?”
11. A kid is pouring himself some milk. His dad walks into the room and asked me question?
What kind of milk is that?” Kid says, “Soy milk”. Dad replies with…
“Hola, milk! Soy Dad.”
12. Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Dad!
13. My geography teacher asked me to name a country without the letter R in it
I said, “Easy, no problem—France.”
14. I’ve just been accepted for a senior position at Old McDonald’s farm…
I’m now their official C-I-E-I-O.
15. What genre are national anthems?
Country music, of course!
